What is there to say? Party Hard, Live Easy

We are the Suitors of Penelope, and we have come here to party.

We compete against each other for this rich, beautiful woman, but not in the normal
way. Instead of using our manly, competitive instincts, why not just have fun and let her
make her decision by herself? There are already enough things to worry about; whether or
not Penelope will ever actually MAKE her decision, that stupid, spoiled little pest that we
are forced to call Telemachus, and of course, the small but still existing chance that her
husband Odysseus may return. With all of these things we have to bear as the suitors of
Penelope, why fight when we can all be friends? Considering that social codes basically
force her to let us stay in her house, we have no reason to leave. The only reason for that
would be if we ran out of food, wine, and good spirits, none of which seem to be in the near
future.
You may ask yourselves, what the heavin’ Hercules makes a group of suitors want
to launch a blog, especially coming out of Ithaca in the 8th century BCE? It could be the fact
that social networking is a plethora of people bragging about how great their party-filled
lives is. It could be because this way we can attract more suitors, therefore extending the
party; the more, the merrier, right? Hell, it could just be because we are a bunch of adult
men that party like teenage girls. But honesty, it is just another way to have fun. These
days, with the Trojan war ending and people journey home all the way from Asia Minor, it is
important to keep people posted on what’s goin’ down in the home town. Besides, this way
we will be able to use our account to keep up with other people’s. Telemachus will never go
undetected again, and if by some miracle Odysseus does come home, we will be the first
ones to know about it.
A few of us are Eurymachus and Antinous, but names don’t really matter. When you
have a group of guys willing to party, a large house vacated of a masculine ruler (so
basically all rulers whatsoever) and an unlimited supply of wine, you get a very large group
of bros who just want to have fun. Even if only one of us does get chosen to be the new
husband, it’s the journey that counts, right? Even if the journey is to and from the table and
wine keg, we like to stick to the saying because it really does have some meaning. That
might be because we want an excuse to party, but who is gonna stop us? Telemachus?
Ooohhh now I’m scared!
Come join the party. Either you become the new rich husband of a beautiful woman
or you hang with some real men who know how to party and live it up. As a great man said,
you only live once, so we say that life should count.