The Gods of Olympus: We don't mess with the best because the best don't mess

Some people pray to the gods on a daily basis and think that we need to thank Zeus and the Olympians for what we have and for all of the things they have saved us from. Some even go on a weekly basis to the temples just to make sure they are on Olympus’s good side. Then, of course, there are people like us. Sure praying to the gods is important, but when you party for 24 hours a day, that leaves just about 0 hours and 0 minutes to thanks the gods for everything. Of course, there is one god who really does deserve our thanks; that being Dionysus, god of wine, for giving us a lifetime supply of mind-dwindling, motor-skill-crushing happiness all stored up in a small glass bottle. Just like any group of good little boys, we prayed to the gods and followed our parents orders as children, but until one of us is picked as Penelope’s lucky new husband, it doesn’t seem like much praise of any sort is necessary. 

                Currently, however, there is a little bit of a problem. Telemachus has been gone for a while now and no one quite knows where he has gone. That could be a blessing, meaning that he is dead and off of our backs with his whining and his girly little blanket that he gets tucked in with every single night, or it could mean that he is still advancing in his journey to find Odysseus and has maybe even found him and is on the way back. We are starting to think that possibly we should do something about that kid… put him out of the picture for good. Nevertheless, in this moment Penelope is the only adult in the house besides us, and since she is a woman there isn’t much she can do to stop us from anything. The party must go on and has done so for quite some time, and is getting better because Telemachus has left us alone. Maybe praying to the god of partying would help us at this point, but who knows what the future holds. As soon as bad things start happening to us we will pray to the gods, as that will be our signal that we are doing something wrong. Until then, it seems like everyone up above is pretty content with us as no lightning bolt has come down from the sky to kill any one of us. Is it possible that the Olympians like to live it up as well? Surely Zeus, with all of his affairs knows what it is like to have some fun down here with the mortals.

                At this point we must remain indifferent to the Olympians and the rest of the gods; having emotion takes too much work, and once again we are only here to have fun. But for some reason, we all feel unsettled; is maybe one of the Olympians working with Odysseus? Unfortunately for us, we all have a feeling that we will soon find out.  

Tik Tok, a tribute to the life of a suitor

Maybe we don’t wake up in the morning feelin’ P. Diddy,  because who the heck is that? Besides, you can’t wake up if you never go to sleep in the first place. When you party all day and night, only sleeping when you pass out from too much wine, brushing your teeth doesn’t even seem necessary, let alone with a bottle of jack. Regardless of these small details, it seems like the general theme of this song we just found, “Tik Tok,” by Ke$ha really represents the kind of lifestyle we live. She talks about how the party doesn’t stop, which is pretty much the only thing you need to know about us, because it is the ONLY thing to know. Also, she “doesn’t have a care in the world, but has plenty of beer.” Replace beer with wine, and you’ve got us. Also, the fact that we are totally broke doesn’t matter either considering the fact that we are overwhelmed with wine and duck and all sorts of other good things to eat, and one of us will be rich once Penelope makes her decision. It seems like even though there is an almost 3000 year difference in the time period and the phrase “DJ blow the speakers up” has no meaning to me, Ke$ha has the same thing going that we do. Who cares about anything else when you can just party?

                The only thing we really have to worry about is the “Po Po shutting us down,” you could say, or in our case, Odysseus shutting us down. Telemachus has left to go find his father, and even if Telemachus is a wimp, his dad sure isn’t. If by some chance Telemachus does find his dad, or his dad finds his way home without the help of his son, we are going to be in big trouble. The chances still seem slim, but it is concerning to think that Telemachus has a mission and is going to fulfill it. Of course, the odds are that he won’t get around the block, or I guess over the horizon because he sailed. Still, the chance is there, and if it all goes according to Telemachus’s plan we are in some deep trouble.  One of the suitors, Antinous, even tried to get him to stay here and party with us. Sure, the kid is a little pest but it’s better than having his daddy come home and give us what we probably deserve.

In the meantime, however, we are going to “fight till we see the sunlight.” As my new favorite musical artist says, “Tick Tock around the clock, no the party don’t stop.” Some people say “party like its 1999, “ but who knows what that means? By then people could be driving chariots without horses and flying through the air on vehicles like a Pegasus. All we care about now is keeping little ‘Machus out of our hair and making sure that the party never ends, unless Odysseus comes home. If that happens, we will be out of here faster than Atalanta having a race with Hermes!

                

What is there to say? Party Hard, Live Easy

We are the Suitors of Penelope, and we have come here to party.

We compete against each other for this rich, beautiful woman, but not in the normal
way. Instead of using our manly, competitive instincts, why not just have fun and let her
make her decision by herself? There are already enough things to worry about; whether or
not Penelope will ever actually MAKE her decision, that stupid, spoiled little pest that we
are forced to call Telemachus, and of course, the small but still existing chance that her
husband Odysseus may return. With all of these things we have to bear as the suitors of
Penelope, why fight when we can all be friends? Considering that social codes basically
force her to let us stay in her house, we have no reason to leave. The only reason for that
would be if we ran out of food, wine, and good spirits, none of which seem to be in the near
future.
You may ask yourselves, what the heavin’ Hercules makes a group of suitors want
to launch a blog, especially coming out of Ithaca in the 8th century BCE? It could be the fact
that social networking is a plethora of people bragging about how great their party-filled
lives is. It could be because this way we can attract more suitors, therefore extending the
party; the more, the merrier, right? Hell, it could just be because we are a bunch of adult
men that party like teenage girls. But honesty, it is just another way to have fun. These
days, with the Trojan war ending and people journey home all the way from Asia Minor, it is
important to keep people posted on what’s goin’ down in the home town. Besides, this way
we will be able to use our account to keep up with other people’s. Telemachus will never go
undetected again, and if by some miracle Odysseus does come home, we will be the first
ones to know about it.
A few of us are Eurymachus and Antinous, but names don’t really matter. When you
have a group of guys willing to party, a large house vacated of a masculine ruler (so
basically all rulers whatsoever) and an unlimited supply of wine, you get a very large group
of bros who just want to have fun. Even if only one of us does get chosen to be the new
husband, it’s the journey that counts, right? Even if the journey is to and from the table and
wine keg, we like to stick to the saying because it really does have some meaning. That
might be because we want an excuse to party, but who is gonna stop us? Telemachus?
Ooohhh now I’m scared!
Come join the party. Either you become the new rich husband of a beautiful woman
or you hang with some real men who know how to party and live it up. As a great man said,
you only live once, so we say that life should count.